Home Alone

Home Alone 1990

★★½

Home Alone is the first movie I ever really watched. I might have been in the same room as a movie playing before that, but it doesn’t really count. This was the first movie I got to see in a theater, after weeks of begging at the ripe age of 4. I got a very stern lecture about how movies aren’t real and I shouldn’t do any of the things that the kid does in the movie. I reminded them that I hadn’t beaten anyone with a stick like my idol Donatello, and thus won the argument. At least, that’s how I remember it happening.

Watching it over 20 years later, it falls somewhere between “embarrassed to have liked it as a kid” and “actually good”. John Candy is really funny in his small role, something I completely glossed over in my youth. Also, the mother is no less than the great Catherine O’Hara, someone I’ve liked in a lot of roles and movies since.

The “Wet Bandits” are more sadistic villains than at first blush. Marv’s “signature” of stuffing the drains and leaving the faucets running is really… just needlessly cruel. It’s bad enough that they’re robbing people during the holidays (and willing to at least kidnap a kid).

The third act bloodbath (with no blood) was much more overblown by my young mind. I thought the traps and physical violence were nearly constant, but it’s really constrained to one sequence at the very end. The violence tries to be cartoonish and light-hearted, but it just looks really really painful. Them still being conscious at the end of the movie is almost as big a stretch as us believing Kevin could in any way clean up the house before his family got home. But I guess this is a fantasy movie.

Left Behind (2014)

Left Behind 2014

★

This is. Such a terrible mistake. I’m doing it for you. Someone has to know.

The hunky male lead (not Cage) of this is some kind of investigative journalist that everyone recognizes. But he really just acts like a huge dick the entire time and everyone oohs and aahs over him anyways. Who would tolerate him pointing a camera in their face after their daughter just disappeared?

I will have to give this movie props - the closest thing it has to a tense and effective scene happens when a girl goes into a hospital and slowly walks through a maternity ward. This is after the titular “Left Behind”-ing occurs. The camera slowly goes through the empty room showing her walking past every empty crib. Then a good old-fashioned jump scare that worked far more effective than it should have.

Anyways, everything on the plane and with poor Nick Cage is torturous, and I’m not ashamed to say I got bored and decided to google the fate of one of the minor characters out of morbid curiosity. And well. I’ll let it speak for itself:

“She is rescued by members of the Tribulation Force. She is then convinced of the truth of God’s Word, and she becomes a devout Christian. She is eventually killed by Leon Fortunato, who calls down a bolt of lightning to vaporize her.

Hattie is resurrected at the Glorious Appearing of Jesus Christ, to the great delight of Rayford and the rest of God’s followers. She is awarded a crown from Jesus Himself, who praises her for her bravery in the face of certain death. She also appears briefly in Kingdom Come, as she is among those present at Mac McCullum’s thousandth birthday party and is assumedly with the rest of the Trib Force as they gather to watch the end of the Millennium.”

Anyways, this minor catastrophe is all fixed and wrapped with a shiny bow. Someone intones “I’m afraid this is just the beginning”, and I get terrified that there is 30 minutes left in this turd. Whew. They’re referring to the sequel. Then there’s a big quote over the screen - “But of that day and that hour knoweth no man” - well, okay, that makes no sense, par for the rest of the movie I suppose.

Another positive point: the credits roll out with a song titled “Left Behind”. FINE, I’ll give it another half star.

a few Movie Reviews

Leviathan 2012
★★★★½

Is this a surrealist nightmare or dream? It's hard to answer. It's filled with incredibly striking imagery. There are several shots and sequences of beauty that seem truly unique and seem impossible to capture any way other than the way this was shot.

And that way was just dropping several small waterproof cameras onto a fishing boat in the north Atlantic ocean. This didn't produce the most linear documentary, by any stretch, but it still ended up a visual and aural feast. I saw it described elsewhere as "David Lynch, gone fishing", and I would have to agree.

Some of the few human moments that are shown are lingered on for full effect. One worker's naked girl tattoo appears to dance while he spoons out some food. Another watches a news report on a break through bleary eyes. And the opening has the closest thing to actual dialogue, as two fishermen work together, yelling back and forth.

But again. Back to that gorgeous swarm of birds. The cameras gliding and dipping in and out of the water. Just some of many of the unique images and sounds this movie brings. I have to love a film that's so different from anything else I've seen.

Annie 2014
★★★

Quvenzhané Wallis is pretty amazing in the lead role, and she has great chemistry with Jamie Foxx. Will Gluck keeps things moving at a pretty swift pace, so the movie tends to glide past any of the less-desirable pieces.

Part of that gliding takes the movie way past any sort of message regarding the poor and the rich. Annie's foster home looks pretty great and shiny, all things considered. A rat scurrying across the floor resembles a lost pet more than a harbinger of filth. Annie's opening report on FDR and the New Deal is wrapped up in a fun drumbeat that is another glossy example of this.

The songs are all great and catchy. Only Cameron Diaz really stands out: out of place and out of tone with the rest of the movie. And the action and climax seems really forced when this movie doesn't really require a big thrilling climax like that.

Also, the rumors are true, this movie does have the exact same ending as Zoolander.


The A-Team 2010
★★★

The A-Team dares to ask the question: "can you get bored of action?" It gets dangerously close to "yes". But the game performances mostly keep it afloat.

There are huge attacks and huge plans after plans after plans. By the 6th time or so in the climax, it's just a continuous assault. Most of it ends up being fun in the spirit of the original TV show.

By the end of it, I was more into the characters than the spectacle. I'd like to see the TV Show that has about 1/20th of the scope and budget going forward. But Cooper and Neeson's huge surge of popularity makes that mostly impossible. I'll still have this.

Also, Joe Carnahan favorite Patrick Wilson is pretty awesome as the CIA slime Lynch. He has a couple standout goofy scenes elevated by him hitting the right tone.


Zodiac 2007
★★★★★

This movie is very spooky.

I have seen it several times before.

But I don't think any time was this late at night.

Edge of Tomorrow

Edge of Tomorrow 2014

★★½

The massively cool first large-scale war sequence of this movie is the only thing that stands out, thinking back. It's simultaneously a good thing and a bad thing.

The action was great, and the movie did a great job putting you in Cruise's perspective while still showing the flow of the battle at large. It's also a great introduction to the Mimics, who are never more terrifying and alien than this first scene.

But other than the video game training sequence/montage once Cruise hooks up with Emily Blunt's Angel of Death character, the rest of the movie is fairly forgettable. Of course, he's bonded with her now*. And of course there's one last huge charge to take a thing to the thing to blow up the thing and save the world.

But I just find myself wishing the rest of the movie had the same momentum and sense of purpose as that first huge mad scramble of a fight scene.

*Just as an aside. This makes for a really weird love story. Cruise has spent countless days with Blunt training. But for her, it's always the first day she ever meets him. It's kind of like 50 first dates in a way.

Big Hero 6

Big Hero 6 2014
★★★★  Watched 02 Dec, 2014

Big Hero 6 was a really fun ride of a movie. It overcomes the challenge of being the umpteenth superhero origin story of the last decade by filling in the margins with a unique setting and visuals, funny characters, and a great script.

The script is quite lean and mean. Sometimes it feels like things are happening too fast. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just impressive how few scenes feel superfluous in any way. One minor gripe is that it felt like the first act zoomed by a little too fast. There could have been some more earlier scenes between Hiro and his older brother.

San Fransokyo is a gorgeous delight. It looks like a city built on pure, unbridled imagination. The movie's unabashed love and joy for science not only shines through in the characters, but in the construction and futuristic look of the city. The gorgeous flying scenes are a really great exclamation mark onthe end of the "practicing our powers" montage.

It's obvious that Hiro and Baymax get the most development here, they're more or less the co-main characters. But the rest of the superhero team makes the most of their limited screen time. TJ Miller especially shines here as the PG stoner (read: shaggy) Fred. The others get their own good moments - Wasabi and Go Go during the frantic, hilly car chase being a standout sequence for both action and development of their characters and friendship.

Finally, I have to admit the most satisfying part of this, among everything else I listed above, was the emphasis on non-violence / non-killing. Granted, animated movies rarely get a high body count, but it was satisfying to see it so - spelled out here. Big Hero 6 is just a really sweet kids' film with a slick and action-packed coating.

Whiplash

★★★★★ 

WHIPLASH, a film centered around a jazz band drummer, starts with a long drum roll. There’s nothing really wrong with that, but it did make me slightly bristle at the cliché. Thankfully, about 45 seconds into the movie, this was the last clichéd moment. The movie bowled me over and exceeded my expectations. The acting and the script are both essential to creating two great lead characters. Every aspect of the movie comes together in a thrilling climax that is one of the best movie endings I’ve seen in years.

J.K. Simmons is a great actor, and all of his praise is completely deserved. But Miles Teller steals the show and really anchors the movie. He fills up every minute of the movie in a breakout role that pushes him to the limits physically and mentally. Lead character Andrew destroys his body and soul in his quest to be the best drummer in history. You can read all of that on Teller’s posture, tone of his voice, and look in his eyes.

But did Andrew have a soul to begin with? That’s a more interesting question. Before he gets too far down the rabbit hole, he has a few scenes with his family and new girlfriend that suggests Mark Zuckerberg in THE SOCIAL NETWORK more than a hero we should keep cheering. He only gets the temerity to approach said girlfriend after getting a bump upwards in his drumming career. His happiness is not about forging relationships with people or making his parents happy, it’s only about his one passion - to be great.

Of course, the music is amazing. This isn’t too much of a surprise, since writer/director Damien Chazelle was a drummer in a similar band in high school. Despite drumming and jazz being central parts of the story line and every major sequence, the film is still incredibly easy to follow if you know absolutely nothing about music. It shows you how the world works and teaches you some of the terminology while still treating the audience as an adult. Andrew’s dad never asks “so what is tempo anyways?”.

The script is very suspenseful and surprising, but the film doesn’t really rely on twists. Everything that happens completely makes sense and it doesn’t take the characters on a 180, or even 90 degree turn, it just simply deepens them and makes them stronger. Simmons’ FULL METAL JACKET band leader of course has some moments where his guard comes down, where he shows emotions other than pure rage, but they don’t come off as cloying or token humanization. They also pay off wonderfully in the third act.

The ending sequence of the movie turned out to be everything I wanted and more. I have to admit that it was built up fairly strong in my mind by seeing countless tweets from writers, critics, actors praising it. It was simultaneously surprising, but also completely inevitable. The direction and editing is masterful, and features clever visual callbacks/echoes of previous shots in the movie. In a semi-empty theater, people around me all finally let out that breath they were holding when the credits started. And, of course, Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons are never better than their final scene together.

The next drum roll for WHIPLASH will likely end with- “and the Academy Award goes to…”

The Theory of Everything

Steven Hawking based his life’s work around exploring the boundaries of the universe, testing them, seeing where they were. Film can be a boundless medium. It starts with a blank page, and can go from there to show someone’s inner thoughts, wildest fantasies, their future, their past in any mix or order imaginable. It’s so disappointing that what could end up as Hawking’s definitive biopic is so trapped in the bounds of every bad biopic of recent memory.

It’s also a shame that Eddie Redmayne’s revelatory performance is trapped here too. He does some really great, subtle work even before the drastic physical transformation takes place. The budding romance with Felicity Jones’ Jane in the first act are easily the movie’s best scenes. The party sequence where Hawking uses his knowledge of laundry detergent to entice Jane is a definite highlight. Their first kiss under booming fireworks is a bit of a cliché, but a very tender and beautifully shot cliché. Redmayne portrays the following physical challenges with crushing, brutal honesty. By the time we get to the third act, Redmayne is doing more with just slight hand movements, word choice, and his eyes than most actors can emote with their full voice and range of motion.

Unfortunately, that first kiss under the fireworks is one of precious-few visually interesting moments to be found. Much of the slightly-bloated middle looks like it’s shot with a bad Instagram filter. There are a couple wedding and family montages done like this, going for the look of old home movies, but it just comes off distractingly ugly. Most of the interior shots seem blown out in that same fake golden light. It only seems to ever get cloudy when thematically relevant.

One of those clouds comes in the form of Charlie Cox as the hunky widowed church choir conductor destined to tempt Jane just as her marriage to Steven becomes the most challenging. Right on cue out of the biography movie handbook. Their courtship is restrained compared to Steven and Jane’s, yet equally cute. Here is where it’s most obvious that the screenplay is based on Jane’s memoir, as she comes across as holier than most saints. Jane and Steven’s marriage falls apart in a beautifully-acted scene that’s a great showcase for both Jones and Redmayne. It wouldn’t be a great surprise to see it on both of their Oscar reels.

Any time a serious, Oscar-pedigree film unspools a slow motion montage that recalls the underrated parody film WALK HARD more than something like WALK THE LINE, well— it’s not good. The last ten minutes also play out much like the “Beautiful Ride” song from that same movie. The flashbacks of the nostalgia-tinted flashbacks are enough to make one queasy. The most interesting scene does come in the midst of this. At a talk for his latest, greatest book, time seems to stop as Hawking straightens up in his chair, stands, strides across the room, and picks up a pretty coed’s pen. It doesn’t entirely work, and it’s still too little too late. But it at least shows some kind of pulse and a willingness to try to color outside the numbers. That’s more than can be said of most of the rest of the movie.

What's Joe Watching 12/4/14

What's Joe Watching? 12/4/14

What’s Joe watching? The answer is a lot. After moving cross country, I got behind on a few of my favorite shows. The obvious answer: a nice day of watching a wide variety of stuff. I’m not going to do these for everything I watch, it’ll get exhaustive fast.

NCIS: New Orleans s1e1, s1e2 s1e3

 NCIS has never really clicked with me. The gimmick it employs- showing the final image before commercial at the beginning of that segment- is annoying at best and spoils what’s going to happen at its worst. And the chemistry of the cast only can get it so far before the show is just boring. “So far” is, in this case, just me watching a couple random episodes in syndication out of morbid curiosity. It is the most watched show on the most watched network, after all.

 Why the hell am I watching NCIS: NOLA? My dad loves it. It’s the only thing he has DVRed, and I’m too lazy to leave the room when he puts it on. Unfortunately, it carries over that freeze frame gimmick. I like Scott Bakula and CCH Pounder a lot, though. Lucas Black has a truly awful Alabama accent that must be heard to be believed. It was really funny in these first three episodes how desperate they were for viewers. The premiere brings in Ducky, the second episode has DiNozzo, Vance, and Abby, and finally the third brings in Gibbs.

 The most interesting thing about it is Stephen Weber as the typical slimy politician / councilman with eyes on being mayor of New Orleans. The first episode teases a conflict with him and Pride (I am not making up that character name) over the “soul of New Orleans”. Maybe I’ll check back in at the season finale when that comes to a head.

Brooklyn 99       s2e8, s2e9

 This show is firing on all cylinders and easily the funniest thing on TV. There’s not much more to be said about it.

 Wait, I lied. I cannot believe they blew up that grenade between Jake and Amy so early! The metaphorical grenade. I’m being slightly vague to avoid spoilers. But I’m really interested in where this continues to go for the rest of the season.

 The subplot thrown in there between Boyle and Holt was very, very appreciated and made me realize they might be the only two characters who haven’t really interacted until their little cooking escapade.

Marry Me             s1e5, s1e6

 Alright, the Thanksgiving episode was pretty manic and cute, but it really hit the same dumb beats anyone could have expected in a “first thanksgiving episode”.

 I vastly preferred the episode where Ken Marino’s character gets a nice, long storyline with Annie (Casey Wilson)’s dads, Tim Meadows and Dan Bucatinsky. They were both really great and funny playing off of Marino. I thought it was a little bit… I don’t know. It felt too pat that her dads get engaged at the exact same time (nearly) as the main couple. And it feels like this is going to make too many similar storylines with two couples wedding planning at the same time. But this show has been really funny and cute filling in the margins with bad storylines, so I have faith.

Mulaney     s1e6

 This episode opens laying pretty bare that it’s going to be an episode all about “the troops”, and this produced a pretty instant UGH reaction from me. Not to mention the opening seems almost completely identical to a Louis CK bit. Also, Lou’s subplot about the USO is incredibly hackneyed and fast forward worthy.

 Mulaney still provides the odd chuckle here and there, and is at least a little weirder/different than a lot of shows. But I’m barely still watching it.

Top Chef       s12e4

 The episodes between the premiere of Top Chef and Restaurant Wars are always a slog to get through. This is no different. The most positive thing I can say is that they eliminated two chefs who I knew absolutely nothing about.

@Midnight   12/1 12/2

 These were the first episodes I’d ever seen of the show. It’s a kind of fun, short, more risque and lowbrow version of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. The comedians in these two episodes were all pretty funny, and I’ll continue to watch it as long as I remember to watch it. That sounds like a huge insult, but shows like this (dumb internet / twitter commentary panel shows?) have such a short shelf life. If I don’t watch it within 24 hours, there’s no point. But I’m still watching until it stops being funny!