Left Behind (2014)

Left Behind 2014

★

This is. Such a terrible mistake. I’m doing it for you. Someone has to know.

The hunky male lead (not Cage) of this is some kind of investigative journalist that everyone recognizes. But he really just acts like a huge dick the entire time and everyone oohs and aahs over him anyways. Who would tolerate him pointing a camera in their face after their daughter just disappeared?

I will have to give this movie props - the closest thing it has to a tense and effective scene happens when a girl goes into a hospital and slowly walks through a maternity ward. This is after the titular “Left Behind”-ing occurs. The camera slowly goes through the empty room showing her walking past every empty crib. Then a good old-fashioned jump scare that worked far more effective than it should have.

Anyways, everything on the plane and with poor Nick Cage is torturous, and I’m not ashamed to say I got bored and decided to google the fate of one of the minor characters out of morbid curiosity. And well. I’ll let it speak for itself:

“She is rescued by members of the Tribulation Force. She is then convinced of the truth of God’s Word, and she becomes a devout Christian. She is eventually killed by Leon Fortunato, who calls down a bolt of lightning to vaporize her.

Hattie is resurrected at the Glorious Appearing of Jesus Christ, to the great delight of Rayford and the rest of God’s followers. She is awarded a crown from Jesus Himself, who praises her for her bravery in the face of certain death. She also appears briefly in Kingdom Come, as she is among those present at Mac McCullum’s thousandth birthday party and is assumedly with the rest of the Trib Force as they gather to watch the end of the Millennium.”

Anyways, this minor catastrophe is all fixed and wrapped with a shiny bow. Someone intones “I’m afraid this is just the beginning”, and I get terrified that there is 30 minutes left in this turd. Whew. They’re referring to the sequel. Then there’s a big quote over the screen - “But of that day and that hour knoweth no man” - well, okay, that makes no sense, par for the rest of the movie I suppose.

Another positive point: the credits roll out with a song titled “Left Behind”. FINE, I’ll give it another half star.